See What Happened Was…

Aight, here is what had happened…

Second day poster Lockdown and I entered the COT around 5:10, at which time I smelled a skunk. After a minute, 1997 Crabs reminded me that the smell was definitely The Reefer and not any type of rodent. Said smell was wafting from a derelict looking early 2000s Tahoe over by the dumpster. At this point, more PAX filtered in but not much attention was paid to the car or the smell. We are all children of the 70s and 80s so no big deal. At this point, two girls emerged from the BluntMobile. You could literally see the Chlamydia on these chicks, but whatever man. No judgement. Little penicillin and that stuff goes right away. Take it from a guy named Crabs.

This is where sh** went sideways. After 6-7 warmup exercises, QIC called for a lap at which point we started around the building. Just then, through a cloud of smoke ran a disheveled looking guy, saying he was getting jacked by 2 guys with guns. At that point, when he pointed back to his car, right on queue two shadowy figures ran from the car towards the back of the Church.

As this mental giant asked us for help, I noticed he was holding a phone in his hand. I said dude, you have a phone, call 911. He gestured back to the WeedMobile and made some unintelligible comment. Someone help me if you could decipher it. At that point we suspected it was a setup. Yeah, we’re all middle aged suburban guys but we’ve seen this sh** on TV. So, rather than complete the lap and get put into a chalk outline, we scattered. Everyone, that is, except for First Base. First Base grew up on the hard streets of 29577. He casually walked back and got the flag (which was 30 yards from the WeedMobile). Nobody jacks First Base.

A group text ensued where we decided to retreat to Waterway Palms where the most severe problems are broken gates, Karens and Hedgehog’s late night parties. A quasi-beatdown was lead by QIC. Obviously it was hastily put together and is not the focus of this backblast. All told we ran about a mile, mixed in with ~10 of the exercises you know and love. At one point we stopped at a house under construction where I saw a pallet of blocks. We did thrusters, curls, tri extensions. I had 5-6 more block exercises in mind but Brown Bag hastily put his block down. And we respect our elders at Catapult.

Perhaps the highlight of the morning was going to Killington’s house (who fartsacked). There, on his back retaining wall, we did 30 calf raises. I was all for a quiet cadence, but HH got reaaal loud and woke Killington up. As he peered through the 2nd floor blinds I had visions of HOA violations dancing through my head.

Anyway we wrapped in a de facto COT and did some Mary, each person calling out a core exercise. O’Doul’s voice was weird during his cadence, so everyone else did their cadence in a weird voice.

It was just a weird morning.

Not too weird for prayers though, as we prayed for Sue Ann, First Base, and gave thanks that the events of the morning did not turn into a whole bunch of fatherless children and widows. Thankful we can joke about it now.

Today was an outlier for sure. But it’s a reminder that not everything in the world is good, and it’s our responsibility to do the little things that make the world a wonderful place. Now where’s my bong?