400 Merkin Monday

400 Merkin Monday

Workout Date:



Cross Stitch


Jeter, Brownbag (R), Candy Cane, Lombardi (R), Rousey (R), Speedbump, Texas Ranger, ERC, Crop Duster, Humpback, Drifter, Beefsteak, Spork, YHC

The Thang:

I read about the actor who cameo-ed as Hercules in the recent Thor: Love and Thunder movie. He did 400 push-ups a day to quickly prepare for the short role and I thought to myself, “I wonder if I can do 400 merkins in a beatdown” Lo and behold, I see my name on the Q sheet. Instead of doing my “bombquad beatdown WOD” that I’ve been trying to do every once in awhile to increase my speed, I couldn’t resist a CSAUP type beatdown.

I preran with Drifter, Candy Cane, and Beefsteak. My speed is always way faster when I run with them, I think they run faster because by the sound of my breathing behind them, they think they’re being chased by a zombie with a collapsed lung. We parted ways as I completed the Roomba Run (1.5 miles) and they completed the full Oreck (3 miles). Upon my return, I walked with Rousey for a lap, hydrated a bit, and the guys really showed up. Mondays have been a lighter crowd and I thought today would be no different with the start of school, but we had 14 HIM in total.

With the goal of 400 merkins and knowing it would be a challenge for me (and a few other pax), I tried to take everything else pretty easy. One minute warning, start at 5:15, disclaimers, imperial walkers, windmills, arm circles, cherry pickers, nothing that exciting.

Indian run to circle up at the bleachers (weird circle, more men than I anticipated), told them the plan: We’ll do 20 merkins, then PAX choice of 20 reps of a different exercise to give our arms a break, rinse and repeat to 400. Nothing too complicated. We did a variety of merkins such as: inclined, declined, regular, wide arm, diamond, ranger, dry dock, pseudo (arms at waist level). Pax choice exercises included squats, phelps, lunges, SSH, and a kracken burpee which I was happy to modify (only a psychopath chooses burpees when the plan is to do 400 merkins).

We got to 200 and I was done. This was a bad idea, everybody hates me, especially myself. Maybe we could do 300, MAYBE.


Let’s take a break, slow mosey around the baseball diamond or mosey around whole AO. Brownbag, Beefsteak, and YHC went around AO, remaining HIM cheated themselves.

We kept going, reluctantly. We were short on time, so we switched to 10 reps on the alternating exercise. We got to 380 merkins somehow, and moseyed back to the #flacidflag in self loathing and defeat.

We did 4 sets of 5 reps of merkins during cooldown/stretch to get to 400. Just in time for CoT: count-o-rama, name-o-rama, announcements, and BoM.

Conclusion: I honestly don’t know if it was that good of a beatdown, but we can say we did 400 merkins, so that counts for something, right?